There Comes a Time

I feel humbled by the Universe and all its awe. At times I wonder just how it seems to know just that which I truly need to better understand or grow from experience. I know that we all travel the road of life in different ways. I also realise that my journey will be different as it is unique to me.

I have felt a little unsettled and uncertain in the past few days. I almost felt like a a wave on the ocean trying to find shore. Silly as it seems my emotions ebbed and surged forth but I truly lacked the distance to reach land.

I tossed and turned and considered my choices. I felt I really had none but, often it helps to feel one has some tempting in the hand of the universal energy even if it is a numb one. I was truly bothered and perplexed at how my seemingly balanced and equal life seemed a little off key and jilted.

I was not agitated or annoyed just lost. You know the feeling you get when you know something is missing but you haven't quite figured it out until it hits you. That's me. I mean no I am not going to hit you! but that is how I felt. I was like a balloon that once lost its ability to float but instead I am deflated and looking a little wrinkled by my once exuberance and usefulness.

I sat in my bed wondering what is it? what am I missing? What is it that is not connecting the dots or creating the same internal force of change that I so readily embrace each day. Why do I feel so blah? Where is my belly laugh? What happened to my get over it attitude? Why am I thinking I am the only one feeling like this as I observe others so merrily going about their day.

I know that I have not lost my sense of purpose yet I feel I am questioning myself about what they truly may be. Am I happy ? yes to a degree I am. I am grateful for my good health, my family, my life I have chosen. I am happy.

I look at my life and all that I have accomplished and that which is yet to arrive and I feel that I have achieved a lot. I feel fulfilled in my accomplishments for that has made me become the person I felt compelled to be.

I think even harder what is it? what is it that is creating this gulf between my self and my me? What is enabling me to feel detached from my usual jubilant self. Am I turning into an old fart? Am I tired? Do I lack spontaneity or a goal? I find myself probing beneath my layers seeking the answer so that I may put that piece of whatever is missing back.

I start to mentally tick off all that I hold gratitude for in my life. I thank my guides and angels for their provisions and understanding. I thank them for being a part of my journey no matter how much I must drive them crazy or turn them grey!

I find myself laying wide eyed and staring at the ceiling in the dark. Little shapes float by and my thoughts try to find a logic to a sign or symbol that might come forth. I speak to my guides and say to them that I truly am feeling a little lost but I am uncertain of the true nature of that which is creating such a short fall within.

I ask them to give me direction on that which I am so very much overlooking or failing to better understand. I ask that they may help me to find a sense of resolution or to better see that which is creating this feeling of distance. As I lay there in the darkness watching the space fill with shifting thoughts to the sound of my own breathing.

I realise in that moment, there comes a time we must detach and step back. A time that we must allow our energy to recuperate, settle and find its own source again. Almost like plugging back into the universal socket and allowing  one self to recharge. I gather if I was to liken it to when the mobile phone goes completely flat and that panicked moment you plug it in to wait what seems like an eternity before you hear BLING and the battery light starts flashing to let you know it is charging.

I had that BLING moment laying there in the dark as I started to realise this was my moment of running flat. I was needing to do so to enable myself to plug back into the source. I was half expecting a software update but alas I still woke up the same model!

In this time of stepping back we see a new perspective on an old situation. We have a realization and possibly an arr har moment. We tend to find that in that void we are neither lost or found we are just within that moment. Although it does not feel like that when we first enter the experience. It feels like what am I missing as you pat yourself down doing that mental check, undies, socks, purse? Everything seems intact but you still feel you are missing something.

What was I missing? Time out for me. I am so used to being busy when I have a time out I am not accustomed to it is very foreign. I truly do tend to over do it when I do work I know this. I enjoy something I enjoy it to exhaustion. I call myself OCD when it comes to a good thing. Be it listening to a song, making a grand plan or just visualizing a dream. I will dedicate myself to seeing it through 100 times over until its exhausted.

I ask the universe in my moment of feeling like Sandra Bullock in Gravity, is this it? Is this what I am meant to do just float around waiting for something to hang onto before I get sucked into oblivion? Of course no George Clooney arrived to save my day but I did get the idea this short moment of space travel was important.

I began to realise the space between me and the universe was not a unreachable space ship just a time for me to gain perspective on my life, myself and my real purpose. What is my real purpose? I have no real idea, although I know I live it everyday without needing to know it. I know that sounds crazy but that is the truth.

I get up and just do whatever the day delivers. If it is a three course meal then great. If it is bread and water then thank you. I just know that I am doing whatever it is I must be meant to be doing. There is no right or wrongs just experiences and journeys.

So I realised I was having time out. My battery was flat I needed a reboot and recharge. In this moment of detachment I also had some reality checks. I took a closer look at my actions, thoughts and emotions. I realised that there comes a time .......................... to step back and take time out.

Working With My Guys Upstairs

Working With My Guys Upstairs - My Journey 11

As this is my blog about all aspects of my journey along the road to my discovering my own abilities and connections, I thought it was time to start to introduce the other side of me. The side that you all don’t really see but you get to see a glimpse of her occasionally.

I speak of ” My Guys Upstairs” like they are my family. They are they are my spiritual family. I have built a long and often challenging relationship  with them over the years, but not once have they failed to deliver their message. Me choosing to listen may have sent them grey at times, but none the less as student I have learned much from them and their guidance

I understand not everyone does it like i do. Some have strong rituals or patterns, me I just head off to bed and when it suits me I write. I don’t just write anything I listen to that I am prompted. Some all this automatic writing, others it is channeling. I am not sure what to all it only that I do it and over the years as you may have read I have kept my journals as they have been wonderful reference points and learning curbs for myself. \

Especially when it comes to time! Let me tell you THEY dont live by our time…actually I am sure they don’t even watch a clock! So sometimes timing can be a little off but I do ask them to lift their game. I mean come on you need to be a little more specific I say. At least give it to me in the now, and in the NOW we are.

I also believe they talk literal. When I am being told something will eventuate within a week. I am being shown the start of that situation will commence not necessarily it will be concluded in that week. Yes learned the hard way timing is really divine timing (at their pace not ours) 

I wanted to put together a book of all the conversations I have had with them over times. The funny little remarks or the times they have really shown me how precious my life is and those in it. I am forever grateful. I do not regret a day, a choice or a action. I do however, temper my thinking and know that which I create I create through my own action or inaction and thus I stand responsible. 

So lets get to the conversation. Now often it is a mixture of information, psychological healing or just well formed foundations of information that actually flow very fast. If you could see my book the writing is often not legible (easy to read) 

Dated 14/04/2014

WHAT IS IT THAT I NEED TO KNOW OR RECOGNIZE ? 

That empowerment is a state of mind. You have the courage to conquer that which you deem impossible. 

You challenge yourself to fail and you fall short. You challenge yourself to succeed and you see progress.

This is not a time of sitting still but, a time to see that which you an clear, initiate or create in order to be ready for the changes to come.

One can not embrace change if they have not taken the necessary steps to begin change. Do it right, you find effortlessly comes together. Take the long road and it is fraught with problems.

That which is presented always resurfaces to allow the self to recognise the work that one must undertake in order to be readied or clear for next phase. Challenge thy self, create the foundations that bring about that which you know to be true. Allow time to pass without conscious mind watching minute hand. Allow the transition to begin and transpire as each step is commenced and followed through.

There is a lot that an be learned from the correct patience. Not the mountain comes to main or man to mountain. The effort to complete a cycle of lessons with patience to understand the lesson, experience and the outcome or growth from such.

It is not a race to evolve but, an eventual evolution of soul and journey all on the experience to give the foundations of solid support to enable successful change /completion.

xx Thank You xx 

I hope those that read this message that is may also resonates for you. I find often looking back at the simplicity of each sentence can bring about acknowledgement for that which I may encounter or experience in the now. Something, event or situation that is prompting me to sit back and reassess my thinking, my emotion, my physical or spiritual understandings.

Connecting with your guides, angels, higher source or that little voice within is all about being open to that which you may receive. It may not be an earth shattering message but it may be a life changing experience filled with growth and fulfillment. 

xx Cosmic Hugs x

Taking Ownership

                                            My shared topic is on OWNERSHIP today . 

This is not the type of possession over material ownership but that which one does when they stand in their own situation and look at that which they have contributed and created to be there.

It can feel a little daunting if there has always been occasion to shift blame or insinuate that another is responsible for your actions or inaction. my ex hubby number two had a great way of reminding me of this when I would say “you are making me feel ……………… !” he would retort “I can’t make you feel anything, you are choosing to feel that way, or think that way” 

It took me a few unsavory arguments and penned up frustration to realise, you know what that is one VERY wise statement. You (my ex) can’t make me feel this way, I am however, choosing to allow this to affect me in this way, thus I am feeling this way because I have chosen to accept this feeling.

Well, like every lesson that enters into your life you realise that you and only you are responsible for your thoughts, feelings, faiths and life experiences. A very good friend of mine told me that when we are angry at someone, we are angry out ourselves that the situation or person has affected us so. We have chosen to allow anger to develop out of not confronting that which is making us frustrated and defensive.

It becomes all to easy to blame someone else, but in reality you have contributed to this situation. You have allowed the situation or energy to evolve into a defensive bout of emotional and intellectual games. The type of game where you negate any possible form of letting this go to a more darn you how cant you do this to me or I am so hurt that i will hang onto this pain over letting it go and seeing the reason this situation has occurred in the first place.

You see this arise a lot within families. Mixed personalities who may be bonded by blood but not by personality. There are clashes, blame, love, craziness, laughter, growing up and moving over matters, finding your own independence and so forth. 

The taking ownership is knowing that although you are different you realise that that person is who they are and you are who you are. You might fight, feel indifferent. You may feel let down or vacant. But when you own that feeling rather than pushing it onto another or a situation you actually start to see what it is that you are creating within yourself to give that feeling life. Are you indifferent in you, angry, controlling, alienated, abandoned, lost ? Are you wanting to feel this pain, hurt, shock or relive it with condemnation rather than forgiveness and revelation? 

It does not mean you have to forgive and forget or be the one to always give into the actions of another. It is where you take ownership for that which you may be contributing through your own actions, fears or ego. Where are you whipping yourself emotionally to the point of feeling powerless? where are you limiting your own ability to rationalize with the situation and see it is a creation of circumstance and once dealt, accepted or healed you can move on and see it as an experience to grow from.

Taking owner ship is self empowering yourself by taking ownership of YOUR own self. Your thoughts, your feelings, your physicality, your faith and spirituality. It is not shifting this to expect another to do this for you. You realise you can not avoid that which is being brought to the surface.

I am going to share an example. I had a person contact me about young adult child that had chosen to remove them self from their family and be with the partner. This was of course most devastating for the family. Possibly as i can only assume as it would have created a lot of grief, frictions, anger and resentment, that this young adult had chosen to experience life with their partner to the dismay of what the parental roles may have wanted.

So no contact, no news, now involvement in this young adults life due to the parental figure being so very hurt leads to the parental figure now on a mission to create more personal angst, pain and hurt. The parental figure has not dealt with this situation in a rational or even adult emotional way, instead it becomes a pit of anger, blame and resentment of what this young adult is now putting this family and parental figure through.

The parental figure sources information on the young adults personal life and when will they return, but. the return is sort with a condition without the young adult’s now partner, who this parental role blames and resents for the young adults choices. 

Now, as we are on the outside of this story line, it is about seeing how both could have contributed to this young adult leaving the comfort of the parental home and to the parental figures contribution in keeping this young adult from returning in any form.

That anger and resentment begins reinforcing the parental figure’s reason to be hurt and to hit out, to want to control and see this apparent relationship fail. The longer this drags on the longer the healing process.

So, the parental figure asks for guidance and is told that the young adult will return but you will rebuild the relationship on a more mature footing. Understanding that although this young adult may be making choices for their own happiness and this may displease you, they love you. This is their time to follow their own life directions and experiences.

The young adult was preparing to create a time of finding comfort in their emotions and feelings with their partner. It is not for I to deem this a good or bad relationship based on the emotions or thoughts of the parental figure. I delivered my message as I was given it. The young adult would return and that the parental figure would have the opportunity to have a more mature relationship with this young adult, water under the bridge, rebuilding with a new level of respect for each other.

The parental figure would have NO such thing! I was told in no uncertain words that I was sadly mistaken if I thought they would forgive this young adult at all. The parental figure went on to include the family and those who were disgusted, appalled and angry with this young adult. The parental figure was displaying the pain of being hurt, rejected but in a lot of ways had focused on just that and was not interested in rebuilding a relationship with the young adult unless it was without the partner.

This could have been solved some time back but, alas, no one wants to take ownership for their own actions or reactions. The parental figure is feeling resentment, anger and hurt. The young adult is feeling controlled, dictated to and rejected. This is prolonging the chance for a healthy relationship between the parental and young adult (who is in their early 20’s, sensible and grounded)

The retort of the parental figure implied towards me that I was sadly mistaken if I believed that hrte parental figure had any intention of accepting the young adult’s partner or the young adults choices and actions was taken in with a sense of sympathy and understanding that the parental figure was sadly mistaken if they felt the young adult would drop everything and return due to the excommunication of the family or being denied the understanding, love or chance to both take ownership to what create this in the very first instance.

The parental figure wanted to shift the anger and resentment onto myself for being so bold as to predict the chance of them reconnecting in a much more higher and mature level than that which is being experienced now. That my assumption was incorrect, there would be no forgiveness.

The parental figure has chosen to take this stand thus this is the action that will lead to the result that is being played out now. Taking ownership allows this parental figure to see what they are contributing to this situation and how they can make steps to heal, forgive, let go and build a better understanding of the relationship the parental and young adult may both want from each other.

Sadly, years may pass and sadly the resentment may grow and in the whole experience precious moments that could have been shared now may be lost. The connection severed by anger, blame and resentment. Sadly this parental figure will blame others for the displeasure of not having the young adult back in the way they feel only acceptable. Sadly this will reflect onto other areas of this parental figures life and create the same feelings over and over again.

The moral to the story is that we all contribute to our life situations. We all have the ability to take ownership or to shift blame to another or project it on a situation. Taking ownership is more productive and creates the bonds of experience that show you have the ability to see both aspects/side of a situation and and find the meeting point. 

Find the I choose to accept …………………my own actions in creating this situation or outcome. It is not about turning the other cheek, or lower your expectations. It is about finding the purpose of the experience and seeing how are you any more the victor if you are anger, resentful and blaming. Who needs that baggage ? who wants to go through life feeling everything else and everyone else to blame for you feeling the way you do. For your attitudes or emotional reactions. 

If i am feeling fearful I look at that with what is creating that fear…. the same with being defensive or hurt. The same with letting go, being confident, believing in myself. Taking ownership means I choose the path my life takes emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually. Taking ownership allows us on a whole to be whole and not held down by the dense feelings of ego and control that inwardly and outwardly turn to bitterness and denial robbing us of so much we could have experienced on a much more positive level.

XX Cosmic Hugs XX