Taking Ownership

                                            My shared topic is on OWNERSHIP today . 

This is not the type of possession over material ownership but that which one does when they stand in their own situation and look at that which they have contributed and created to be there.

It can feel a little daunting if there has always been occasion to shift blame or insinuate that another is responsible for your actions or inaction. my ex hubby number two had a great way of reminding me of this when I would say “you are making me feel ……………… !” he would retort “I can’t make you feel anything, you are choosing to feel that way, or think that way” 

It took me a few unsavory arguments and penned up frustration to realise, you know what that is one VERY wise statement. You (my ex) can’t make me feel this way, I am however, choosing to allow this to affect me in this way, thus I am feeling this way because I have chosen to accept this feeling.

Well, like every lesson that enters into your life you realise that you and only you are responsible for your thoughts, feelings, faiths and life experiences. A very good friend of mine told me that when we are angry at someone, we are angry out ourselves that the situation or person has affected us so. We have chosen to allow anger to develop out of not confronting that which is making us frustrated and defensive.

It becomes all to easy to blame someone else, but in reality you have contributed to this situation. You have allowed the situation or energy to evolve into a defensive bout of emotional and intellectual games. The type of game where you negate any possible form of letting this go to a more darn you how cant you do this to me or I am so hurt that i will hang onto this pain over letting it go and seeing the reason this situation has occurred in the first place.

You see this arise a lot within families. Mixed personalities who may be bonded by blood but not by personality. There are clashes, blame, love, craziness, laughter, growing up and moving over matters, finding your own independence and so forth. 

The taking ownership is knowing that although you are different you realise that that person is who they are and you are who you are. You might fight, feel indifferent. You may feel let down or vacant. But when you own that feeling rather than pushing it onto another or a situation you actually start to see what it is that you are creating within yourself to give that feeling life. Are you indifferent in you, angry, controlling, alienated, abandoned, lost ? Are you wanting to feel this pain, hurt, shock or relive it with condemnation rather than forgiveness and revelation? 

It does not mean you have to forgive and forget or be the one to always give into the actions of another. It is where you take ownership for that which you may be contributing through your own actions, fears or ego. Where are you whipping yourself emotionally to the point of feeling powerless? where are you limiting your own ability to rationalize with the situation and see it is a creation of circumstance and once dealt, accepted or healed you can move on and see it as an experience to grow from.

Taking owner ship is self empowering yourself by taking ownership of YOUR own self. Your thoughts, your feelings, your physicality, your faith and spirituality. It is not shifting this to expect another to do this for you. You realise you can not avoid that which is being brought to the surface.

I am going to share an example. I had a person contact me about young adult child that had chosen to remove them self from their family and be with the partner. This was of course most devastating for the family. Possibly as i can only assume as it would have created a lot of grief, frictions, anger and resentment, that this young adult had chosen to experience life with their partner to the dismay of what the parental roles may have wanted.

So no contact, no news, now involvement in this young adults life due to the parental figure being so very hurt leads to the parental figure now on a mission to create more personal angst, pain and hurt. The parental figure has not dealt with this situation in a rational or even adult emotional way, instead it becomes a pit of anger, blame and resentment of what this young adult is now putting this family and parental figure through.

The parental figure sources information on the young adults personal life and when will they return, but. the return is sort with a condition without the young adult’s now partner, who this parental role blames and resents for the young adults choices. 

Now, as we are on the outside of this story line, it is about seeing how both could have contributed to this young adult leaving the comfort of the parental home and to the parental figures contribution in keeping this young adult from returning in any form.

That anger and resentment begins reinforcing the parental figure’s reason to be hurt and to hit out, to want to control and see this apparent relationship fail. The longer this drags on the longer the healing process.

So, the parental figure asks for guidance and is told that the young adult will return but you will rebuild the relationship on a more mature footing. Understanding that although this young adult may be making choices for their own happiness and this may displease you, they love you. This is their time to follow their own life directions and experiences.

The young adult was preparing to create a time of finding comfort in their emotions and feelings with their partner. It is not for I to deem this a good or bad relationship based on the emotions or thoughts of the parental figure. I delivered my message as I was given it. The young adult would return and that the parental figure would have the opportunity to have a more mature relationship with this young adult, water under the bridge, rebuilding with a new level of respect for each other.

The parental figure would have NO such thing! I was told in no uncertain words that I was sadly mistaken if I thought they would forgive this young adult at all. The parental figure went on to include the family and those who were disgusted, appalled and angry with this young adult. The parental figure was displaying the pain of being hurt, rejected but in a lot of ways had focused on just that and was not interested in rebuilding a relationship with the young adult unless it was without the partner.

This could have been solved some time back but, alas, no one wants to take ownership for their own actions or reactions. The parental figure is feeling resentment, anger and hurt. The young adult is feeling controlled, dictated to and rejected. This is prolonging the chance for a healthy relationship between the parental and young adult (who is in their early 20’s, sensible and grounded)

The retort of the parental figure implied towards me that I was sadly mistaken if I believed that hrte parental figure had any intention of accepting the young adult’s partner or the young adults choices and actions was taken in with a sense of sympathy and understanding that the parental figure was sadly mistaken if they felt the young adult would drop everything and return due to the excommunication of the family or being denied the understanding, love or chance to both take ownership to what create this in the very first instance.

The parental figure wanted to shift the anger and resentment onto myself for being so bold as to predict the chance of them reconnecting in a much more higher and mature level than that which is being experienced now. That my assumption was incorrect, there would be no forgiveness.

The parental figure has chosen to take this stand thus this is the action that will lead to the result that is being played out now. Taking ownership allows this parental figure to see what they are contributing to this situation and how they can make steps to heal, forgive, let go and build a better understanding of the relationship the parental and young adult may both want from each other.

Sadly, years may pass and sadly the resentment may grow and in the whole experience precious moments that could have been shared now may be lost. The connection severed by anger, blame and resentment. Sadly this parental figure will blame others for the displeasure of not having the young adult back in the way they feel only acceptable. Sadly this will reflect onto other areas of this parental figures life and create the same feelings over and over again.

The moral to the story is that we all contribute to our life situations. We all have the ability to take ownership or to shift blame to another or project it on a situation. Taking ownership is more productive and creates the bonds of experience that show you have the ability to see both aspects/side of a situation and and find the meeting point. 

Find the I choose to accept …………………my own actions in creating this situation or outcome. It is not about turning the other cheek, or lower your expectations. It is about finding the purpose of the experience and seeing how are you any more the victor if you are anger, resentful and blaming. Who needs that baggage ? who wants to go through life feeling everything else and everyone else to blame for you feeling the way you do. For your attitudes or emotional reactions. 

If i am feeling fearful I look at that with what is creating that fear…. the same with being defensive or hurt. The same with letting go, being confident, believing in myself. Taking ownership means I choose the path my life takes emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually. Taking ownership allows us on a whole to be whole and not held down by the dense feelings of ego and control that inwardly and outwardly turn to bitterness and denial robbing us of so much we could have experienced on a much more positive level.

XX Cosmic Hugs XX