There Comes a Time

I feel humbled by the Universe and all its awe. At times I wonder just how it seems to know just that which I truly need to better understand or grow from experience. I know that we all travel the road of life in different ways. I also realise that my journey will be different as it is unique to me.

I have felt a little unsettled and uncertain in the past few days. I almost felt like a a wave on the ocean trying to find shore. Silly as it seems my emotions ebbed and surged forth but I truly lacked the distance to reach land.

I tossed and turned and considered my choices. I felt I really had none but, often it helps to feel one has some tempting in the hand of the universal energy even if it is a numb one. I was truly bothered and perplexed at how my seemingly balanced and equal life seemed a little off key and jilted.

I was not agitated or annoyed just lost. You know the feeling you get when you know something is missing but you haven't quite figured it out until it hits you. That's me. I mean no I am not going to hit you! but that is how I felt. I was like a balloon that once lost its ability to float but instead I am deflated and looking a little wrinkled by my once exuberance and usefulness.

I sat in my bed wondering what is it? what am I missing? What is it that is not connecting the dots or creating the same internal force of change that I so readily embrace each day. Why do I feel so blah? Where is my belly laugh? What happened to my get over it attitude? Why am I thinking I am the only one feeling like this as I observe others so merrily going about their day.

I know that I have not lost my sense of purpose yet I feel I am questioning myself about what they truly may be. Am I happy ? yes to a degree I am. I am grateful for my good health, my family, my life I have chosen. I am happy.

I look at my life and all that I have accomplished and that which is yet to arrive and I feel that I have achieved a lot. I feel fulfilled in my accomplishments for that has made me become the person I felt compelled to be.

I think even harder what is it? what is it that is creating this gulf between my self and my me? What is enabling me to feel detached from my usual jubilant self. Am I turning into an old fart? Am I tired? Do I lack spontaneity or a goal? I find myself probing beneath my layers seeking the answer so that I may put that piece of whatever is missing back.

I start to mentally tick off all that I hold gratitude for in my life. I thank my guides and angels for their provisions and understanding. I thank them for being a part of my journey no matter how much I must drive them crazy or turn them grey!

I find myself laying wide eyed and staring at the ceiling in the dark. Little shapes float by and my thoughts try to find a logic to a sign or symbol that might come forth. I speak to my guides and say to them that I truly am feeling a little lost but I am uncertain of the true nature of that which is creating such a short fall within.

I ask them to give me direction on that which I am so very much overlooking or failing to better understand. I ask that they may help me to find a sense of resolution or to better see that which is creating this feeling of distance. As I lay there in the darkness watching the space fill with shifting thoughts to the sound of my own breathing.

I realise in that moment, there comes a time we must detach and step back. A time that we must allow our energy to recuperate, settle and find its own source again. Almost like plugging back into the universal socket and allowing  one self to recharge. I gather if I was to liken it to when the mobile phone goes completely flat and that panicked moment you plug it in to wait what seems like an eternity before you hear BLING and the battery light starts flashing to let you know it is charging.

I had that BLING moment laying there in the dark as I started to realise this was my moment of running flat. I was needing to do so to enable myself to plug back into the source. I was half expecting a software update but alas I still woke up the same model!

In this time of stepping back we see a new perspective on an old situation. We have a realization and possibly an arr har moment. We tend to find that in that void we are neither lost or found we are just within that moment. Although it does not feel like that when we first enter the experience. It feels like what am I missing as you pat yourself down doing that mental check, undies, socks, purse? Everything seems intact but you still feel you are missing something.

What was I missing? Time out for me. I am so used to being busy when I have a time out I am not accustomed to it is very foreign. I truly do tend to over do it when I do work I know this. I enjoy something I enjoy it to exhaustion. I call myself OCD when it comes to a good thing. Be it listening to a song, making a grand plan or just visualizing a dream. I will dedicate myself to seeing it through 100 times over until its exhausted.

I ask the universe in my moment of feeling like Sandra Bullock in Gravity, is this it? Is this what I am meant to do just float around waiting for something to hang onto before I get sucked into oblivion? Of course no George Clooney arrived to save my day but I did get the idea this short moment of space travel was important.

I began to realise the space between me and the universe was not a unreachable space ship just a time for me to gain perspective on my life, myself and my real purpose. What is my real purpose? I have no real idea, although I know I live it everyday without needing to know it. I know that sounds crazy but that is the truth.

I get up and just do whatever the day delivers. If it is a three course meal then great. If it is bread and water then thank you. I just know that I am doing whatever it is I must be meant to be doing. There is no right or wrongs just experiences and journeys.

So I realised I was having time out. My battery was flat I needed a reboot and recharge. In this moment of detachment I also had some reality checks. I took a closer look at my actions, thoughts and emotions. I realised that there comes a time .......................... to step back and take time out.